


They will never understand

by Mcmiyuki



Series: Sanders sides things I have written [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Depressed Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Depression, Diary/Journal, How Do I Tag, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), No Fluff, Please Don't Hate Me, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 06:28:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19267684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mcmiyuki/pseuds/Mcmiyuki
Summary: Trigger warning: this fic is about depression and mentiones a character who's suffering from cancer. there's also a mention of self-harm. It's pretty rough but not verry graphic. Comment if I'm forgetting something.Notebook owned by: Virgil Sanders.28/06/2019 11:30 pmHey,It's been a while since the last time I have written something.I should do it more often, it calms me down.My day wasn't great...





	They will never understand

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is mostly just vent... It's something I've been thinking about a lot so I wanted to write it down. Oh and English isn't my first language so please don't roast me if you find one of the many spelling and grammar mistakes 😅 and like seriously, how the hell do people tag, it just doesn't work!!!! The frustration!!!!

Notebook owned by: Virgil Sanders.

28/06/2019 11:30 pm

Hey,  
It's been a while since the last time I have written something.  
I should do it more often, it calms me down.  
My day wasn't great.  
Roman told me that I should be less selfish.  
He said that mental health isn't so bad and that I should be there for Logan more, instead of locking myself in my room all day.  
Oh right, I haven't written about that, have I? Logan is diagnosed with cancer a couple of days ago...  
A brain tumor. The doctors don't know if he will make it and Patton and Roman are all over him.  
I care about Logan, I really do and I don't want him to die, but it's just...  
I haven't been great either, I have been numb more then ever before and my mind just won't shut up...  
Logan is worried about me and I appreciate that, but I need to push those feelings aside cause right now the only thing that matters is Logan...right?

You know, sometimes I wish I had cancer instead of depression.  
If you tell someone that you have cancer they would be sorry and sad.  
They would understand what it means, that it could kill you if you don't get a treatment. They would support you if you have a doctor's appointment and visit you in the hospital.  
If you have cancer people understand that it's a decease caused by abnormal sell growth. They would understand that it has a possibility to spread and cause damage. That the treatment would make your hair fall out and that it can make you tired, makes that you don't wanna get out of bed in the morning and they would let you sleep in for a bit.  
When you have depression, only the people who have gone through the same thing will get it. Other people may say that they get it but they will never truly get it. Because depression doesn't have a visual thing that causes it. Depression doesn't give you a weird swelling on your left toe, you know? I just feel like people don't bother to understand depression. Like they go along with everything you say, nod a view times here and there, but at the same time they're only thinking about their aunt who's hospitalised or that the daughter of one of their friends has a broken leg. Depression is less real for most people, less serious, because it's not something you can see from the outside. Ecxept maybe the dark bags under your eye and the way your personality changes. Maybe they saw those cuts on your wrist, but there will never be real proof. You can't do something like an x-ray to proof that there's really something going on.  
It's all just in your head, quite literally...  
People don't understand that depression can be even more deadly than something like cancer...  
It's just sad.

And I know that I should be writing about how sad i am about Logan instead of how sad I'm about how people don't understand depression, but I can't help it.  
Patton is the only one who understands me. The only one who knows exactly what's going on. Logan tries to understand, he really does. In the times that he's hospitalised and doesn't have anything to do, he reads. He reads about everything he can find around the subject depression, but he will never really get it. Because the only thing that will make you understand is experiencing it...

I'm sorry, I rambled again.  
Anyways, I will manage...  
Patton is there to support me.  
And I know that Logan will survive.  
I don't know how I know, but I just do.  
Roman is still a pain in the ass tho, but that's nothing new.  
Okay I'm gonna go try and get some sleep now.

Goodnight,  
Vee is out.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic wasn't really centered around the sanders sides, but I had this idea and I really wanted to write about it, so sorry if you wanted a good story with a lot of plot and stuff. I hope you still kinda liked it!
> 
>  


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